Fightsport regular Fatbody was recently involved in an altercation at Joe's Crab Shack. Here is his first person account -
It's lunch time at work and a coworker of mine wants to go to Joe's Crab Shack. This would not be my choice because I don't like their food, but I decided to be polite and let the other guy choose.
So we're sitting there eating salsa and chips waiting for our meal to come and I notice that soccer is on the tv with a couple of gay sounding Englishmen announcing it. I look at the tables near mine and sure enough two English dudes are watching it. I could tell they were British by their gay accents. Something that bothered me was they each had a date with a hot American chick, which I determined by listening to their accents as well. I hate it when hot American chicks go with European guys like that makes them special.
Anyway, since I knew the food was going to suck, I decided to improve the tv show. I got up and started switching the channels around and found a Jag rerun that looked promising. Just then one of the English guys started yelling.
"Hey! Hey! What are you doing? We're right in the middle of a match."
"You've got a fuckin problem," I said, "that's a European game and we're in America. How'd you like it if I went to one of your pubs in England and put on baseball?"
"We've been watching the game for half an hour," he said, " and you come in like you own the place and switch it off. How about asking if someone's watching what's on?"
"Bottom line, we're in an American restaurant filled with American's ..." just then I was interrupted. Some faggy looking Mexican waiter switched back on the soccer.
"I'm sorry sir," he said, "whoever's watching something first gets to finish their show."
"Bullshit," I said."American restaurant, American shows. These Englishman will have to live with that. If you turn Jag off again, I'm going to put you in a very painful armbar."
The waiter went running off like he was going to get a manager. Then the obnoxious English guy got in my face.
"Who the fuck do you think you are? You're the type of person who makes American's look bad."
Meanwhile his friend was running his mouth calling me names. I'd had enough. I tackled the guy who was in my face and began to administer an arm bar. His friend jumps up from his table and begins throwing punches at the top of my head. I stood up an went after him and put him in a standing choke hold. Then the other guy gets up and cracks a chair off my back.
Looking around while I was fighting I could see pandemonium had broken loose at Joe's Crab Shack. People were running away and some were trying to get out of the restaurant. I picked up a chair and through it at one of the guys I was fighting and it flew over his head. I could hear the managers screaming to call the cops. One of my opponents came at me with a chair again and at this point I could see it was a chair war. I threw a couple at them which backed them off and then I held on to one and started swinging wildly.
Everyone was afraid to get too close to me at this point and then I said out loud, "Fuck this. I'm not going to jail over this." Then I ran out of the restaurant to my car. I covered my front license plate up with the shirt I was wearing and then found a towel in my car to cover the back plate. I wanted no one taking my plates down. Then I sped off.
Later I called my black girlfriend over to my house and told her what happened. She gave me sex to mellow me out. It's been 2 weeks and I haven't heard anything yet. My coworker promised to keep his mouth shut, but the cops probably took a desription of me. I think I may grow a moustache and a beard for awhile. I knew I should have never went into Joe's Fuckin Crab Shack.