Lilliputian fighter and wrestling enthusiast Sean Sherk, 31, recently brought every major news agency, world government and MMA promotion to a grinding halt after he threatened not to fight quite as often or - gasp - at all!

Sherk's threats were made in a poorly-constructed Sherdog.com feature article by hack columnist Josh Gross. Gross attempted to communicate Sherk's frustration and anguish by fitting as many punctuation dashes as possible into the piece, managing to insert more than twenty by one count. Sherk, meanwhile, was on a crusade to do more than just pretend to be a professional writer - like a host of no-good poor and/or lazy people before him, he was demanding respect in the form of a greatly increased wage!

Showing his dwarven heritage with his curmudgeonly, cantankerous attitude, Sherk complained about not fighting in the UFC despite boring performances and the fact that his manager's negotiating tactics irritated the organization. Sherk made it clear that he would no longer accept fights in "smaller shows" and would henceforth be demanding twenty thousand dollars or more to take other fighters down and throw punches from inside the guard. Moreover, Mr. Gross reportedly overheard the tiny athlete mumbling something about retiring to mine precious gems and hunt orcs while sharpening his battleaxe.

This devastating news brought about fast action from Sherdog.com posters, known as the most easily amused and least interesting MMA fans in the world, who immediately started a fiendishly creative grassroots campaign to try and get Sherk back in the UFC. Immediately playing their trump card, the Sherdog faithful did what any corporate entity or professional sports league fears more than anything else: they started an online petition.

Ignoring the fact that online petitions are roughly as effective as improving your sexual satisfaction by inserting your penis into various pieces of mechanical farming equipment, over one thousand (1000!) Sherdog members leapt into action and added their meaningless names and/or stupid internet aliases to a list which had been hilariously dubbed "Save Sean Sherk's Career".

No reaction to the self-important demands of the deluded Sherdog collective has been given by the UFC so far. In addition, nobody has seen fit to point out that even if everyone who signed the "Save Sean Sherk's Career" petition were to buy a UFC PPV event based exclusively on his participation, his $20,000+ asking price would still lead to a significant loss of revenue for Zuffa, LLC.

We here at LukeBeston.net would like to wish Sean Sherk the best of luck with his retirement, as well as remind him that allowing himself to be completely inserted into the orifices of his much larger, normal-sized human counterparts for the purpose of sexual stimulation could be a lucrative source of alternative income.

A recent picture of Sean Sherk, with height indicator: